The Pentagon

DoD bankrupt after Austin blows $300 billion at blackjack table

“Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never thought it would be a good idea to split 10s,” the Secretary remarked sternly.

Jul 12, 2024 3 min read paid

Pentagon launches 'see something stupid, say something stupid' campaign

Finally an internal reporting program that might work.

Jun 19, 2024 2 min read paid

Bill to strengthen HIPAA would strip PII from military graves, memorials

You can't steal what you can't see

Apr 20, 2024 3 min read paid

Americans wondering if we can just get WW3 over with already

Stop talkin' and start doin'

Apr 15, 2024 2 min read paid

Department of defense: 'We're not smart enough to run a Taylor Swift PSYOP'

Let's be real here.

Feb 2, 2024 3 min read paid

Secretary Austin awarded new “sick call Ranger” tab

Spec 4: "No phase recycles, my man just went straight through."

Jan 8, 2024 4 min read paid

‘Declaration of military accountability’ written entirely in Comic Sans

“We needed a font that would be taken as seriously as we are.”

Jan 3, 2024 2 min read paid

US vows evacuation of citizens from Gaza will be as flawless as Afghan evacuation

Sometimes the sequel is even better than the original.

Dec 5, 2023 2 min read paid

DoD asks Israel, Hamas to move Intifada to pacific

Austin: "Look, we've put a lot of time and money into this."

Nov 6, 2023 2 min read paid

DoD introduces devil's advocate General Corps

"I'm just asking questions!"

Oct 17, 2023 1 min read paid

Pentagon cancels car wash fundraiser after debt ceiling standoff averted

Soapies to remain a deployed thing

Jun 2, 2023 1 min read paid

I conscientiously object to learning Microsoft Teams

Mar 28, 2023 2 min read paid

Itching to do more for Ukraine, US invades Iraq

“It’s the last thing Russia would expect."

Mar 28, 2023 2 min read paid

Milley accidentally types ‘hot goth girls’ into teams chat with Joint Chiefs

First PLT, Company C, 1/502 supportive: "Oh, hell yeah."

Jan 9, 2023 1 min read paid

Point/counterpoint: Future wars will be fought with AI robots vs. 'Microsoft word is not responding'

The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about the use of artificial intelligence (AI), machine learning, and robots in future large scale ground combat. The point will be presented by

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon study finds beards directly related to combat effectiveness

TAMPA, Fla. — Forget new gear, weapons, or sophisticated targeting systems. The newest tool coming to combat troops is low-tech: beards. In a report released yesterday, research think-tank Xegis Solutions noted

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

DoD seeks corporate sponsorship, Copenhagen, Budweiser already on board

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As the Department of Defense budget gets slimmer each day, military and civilian personnel are getting creative with how to cover shortfalls. The Pentagon has already

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Citing OPSEC fears, DoD bans Tapout clothing for all military personnel

WASHINGTON — Citing concerns over operational security, the Department of Defense has implemented a policy prohibiting all military personnel from wearing Tapout clothing, including t-shirts, hats, and accessories, when out of

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon proposes controversial policy assigning ranks to military spouses

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A new policy is currently being considered by the Department of Defense that would assign rank to spouses of military members. The controversial measure announced yesterday is

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon Channel celebrates 100th viewer

FORT MEADE, MD - All three employees of the Pentagon Channel (TPC) attended a lunch yesterday to celebrate a major milestone in the network's history. This week'

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Typo leads to creation of $179 million gorilla warfare program

CRESCENT CITY, CA — The Department of Defense has confirmed accusations that a $179 million military training program for mountain gorillas was created based on a spelling error in an email

Oct 5, 2022 5 min read paid

Pentagon study confirms: Napalm does stick to kids

WASHINGTON, DC — An extremely controversial Pentagon study on the accuracy of various running and marching cadences has released its preliminary findings today, concluding that napalm does indeed stick to kids.

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

Pentagon scraps 'Lightsaber' weapons program after gross misconduct, numerous injuries

BAGRAM, AFGHANISTAN — A top secret weapons development program has been scrapped after countless allegations of misconduct and numerous injuries were sustained by soldiers and Marines in Afghanistan, Duffel Blog has

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Crusty old fuck in the Pentagon hopes cold war just got hot

WASHINGTON – According to sources, that sputtering relic from Basement Level 2B in the Pentagon has been completely beside himself this week, ever since the crisis in Ukraine and the subsequent

Oct 5, 2022 1 min read paid

Troops say generals understand need for cuts to aides, personal drivers, and golf courses

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Troops from the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, and Air Force told Congress on Wednesday that general officers were willing to sacrifice portions of their caviar rations, personal

Oct 5, 2022 2 min read paid

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