Pete Hegseth thrown onto court at WNBA game
Police officer removes SECDEF using towel and rubber gloves
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The Pentagon
Five sides, zero accountability
DOGE vows to reduce Pentagon to triangle
"The DoD is no longer an oversized bureaucracy. Instead, it will be an obtuse bureaucracy with sharp angles.”
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Mattis emerges from time machine, horrified to learn Pete Hegseth is SecDef
General returns to find ICE in museums, POWs in Ukraine, and the Constitution on vacation.
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8 tattoos you can get under new Hegseth policy
Good news: Tattoos of Pete Hegseth depicted “in the Greek Style” are now allowed.
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Iran rebranded 'Pepsistan' in new Pepsi-Pentagon strategic partnership
U.S. military now powered by freedom, capitalism, and high-fructose corn syrup
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US accidentally re-invades Iraq
Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray
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US 'far behind in capabilities' being sold by retired general
The retired officer says that America is woefully under-resourced in a defense technology capability that is only sold by his company.
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The Atlantic: Please remove us from this distro
The publication's editor was added to another Signal chat called "Joint Ops Bantz 🔥💥🚀 (NO FOREIGN)"
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Hegseth budget plan just stick figure with huge tits
Budgetary offices across the service branches are scrambling after receiving the ambiguous guidance.
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Hegseth thinking that DEI Coordinator job at National Guard bureau looks pretty sweet right now
The embattled Pentagon chief, long viewed as a DUI hire, is looking for the exits.
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Hegseth congratulates historic last ever female to complete best Ranger competition
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
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Leaked: Hegseth’s plan to 'de-gay' the military
Duffel Blog obtained the confidential memo.
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Trade wars service medal delayed by China tariffs
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
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Pentagon removes 54th Massachusetts from Army records as 'DEI hires'
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
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Pentagon releases list of approved racial and sexual epithets
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
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DoD establishes strategic porn reserve after Canada threatens to disable PornHub
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
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Pentagon renames Fort Campbell after the soup
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
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Citing DEI, Pentagon ends special treatment of black mold in barracks
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
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Hegseth punishes himself with extra set of 47 pushups for leaking war plans
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
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👊🇺🇸🔥
Intel update briefing prepared by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz
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The Trump administration also accidentally texted us its war plans
Strike plans—whatever you want to call them—it's classified okay?
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Man known for poor judgment displays poor judgment
“I was shocked when I heard Pete was the source of the Pentagon leaks,” said Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard.
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Jeff and tina: Hey, uh, what in the fuck?
All we asked for was 80% compliance.
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Hegseth says he meant to send dick pic, not war plans
“It reminds me of this one time when I was in this chick’s OODA Loop and accidentally gave her Plan Bravo instead of Plan B the next morning."
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TRANSCOM renamed PENISORVAGINACOM to comply with presidential directives
"It's super awkward to put on my LinkedIn profile," said Gen. Randall Reed, the commander.
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