DAMASCUS, Syria — A local Syrian man is poring over English textbooks day after day to perfect his pronunciation of the phrase "no ISIS here" in preparation for his upcoming work as a translator for U.S. military forces, sources confirmed.

Abdul Barazi, 47, a native Arabic speaker who speaks very little English beyond "hello" or "mister," is excited that once coalition forces begin conducting ground combat operations in the region, he'll be there to listen to locals describe in Arabic both intelligence on ISIS militants and a wide variety of local problems, which will then be translated to U.S. troops as "he say America number one."

"I am hope that one day President George Bush come and liberate Syria with United State of Freedom troops," said Barazi in perfect Arabic, which was then translated for Duffel Blog reporters by a graduate of Defense Language Institute who wasn't quite sure what that last word was. "ISIS no good here. ISIS bad bad man. Ali Baba."