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Acme corp. Exonerated by military in rocket skate tragedy

TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. – The Department of Defense has released a report claiming that human error and not equipment failure was responsible for last week's crash on Rainbow Canyon Road involving a Marine testing a pair of experimental rocket-powered roller skates.

Maj. Charles Miller, a spokesman for the Marine base at Twentynine Palms, said that an investigation had failed to uncover any defects in design or negligence on the part of the Acme Corporation. Acme is the principal manufacturer of the Expeditionary Infantry Rolling Platform (EIRP), a revolutionary set of wheeled-footwear they are developing for the Marine Corps.

Miller said that the operator, Staff Sgt. Jeffrey "Marshall" Tito of Flagstaff, Ariz., may have "knowingly or accidentally exceeded the EIRP's safety margins, resulting in the crash."

According to Miller, Tito initially seemed to be having no trouble, after he engaged the skate engines and reached an approved speed of 35 mph. However, around the time he approached Camp Wilson something appears to have gone wrong.

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