Skip to content
America's Most-Trusted Military News

Lonely CIF clerk holding out for soul mate in perfect condition

| 1 min read
Lonely CIF clerk holding out for soul mate in perfect condition

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Darren Johnson, ten-time employee of the year at the Fort Bragg Central Issue Facility, has had trouble finding Mrs. Right despite his numerous awards.

“I don’t have high standards for women, I just uphold the common standard better than other people,” Johnson told reporters while rejecting a soldier’s unused sleep mat at the CIF return counter.

“I know there’s someone out there for me who’s beautiful, rich, and educated who has never had a boyfriend,” said Johnson, who is 38 years old with a lot of credit card debt and a liquor problem.

More Stories

Know someone who'd find this funny? Send it to them.

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal
WELCOME10 — 10% off applied at checkout

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!