BREAKING: Humble F-35 pilot hasn’t told anyone what he flies for over 2 hours

LUKE AFB, Az. – At a weekly meeting of Fighter Attack Pilots Anonymous (FAPA), F-35 pilot Captain Michael Carson earned his two-hour chip by not referring to himself as a fighter or attack pilot for over two hours. Carson’s previous record was forty-seven minutes, a bar set while he was in upgrade training prior to being certified to fly the fifth-generation fighter. His two-hour streak ended when he reminded an Apache pilot sitting next to him that the B-model of the F-35 can land vertically, “Just like a helicopter, bro-ham”.